- - - - - -
He loves her more than anything.
She feels neglected and toyed.
She doesn't see that he's the right one for her.
Only anger blinds her eyes.
- - - - - -
She wants to forget about the past.
She wants to focus on the now.
But anger and jealousy consumes her.
She doesn't see that he loves only her.
Post Later.
♥ Dinks
SINCE 2OO8 STARTED HAVE YOU?... ♥ Dinks
- Had your birthday;
.yup... 01/26/87
- Been to church;
.a few times, but not religiously.
- Had someone close to you pass away;
.no not yet... knock on wood!
- Pulled an all-nighter:
.yes pulled quite a few this semester...
- Drank Tim Hortons:
.nope but i miss that tim horton's french vanilla cappuccino mix my mom had.
- Gone to the movies;
.not yet.but planning to soon.
-Been to the beach;
.nope but i really really want to. but not to expose my belly flub.
- Bought something over $100;
.yes stupid haircut. oh yea i'll show you soon. my mind is going crazy but im not ready to let you in yet.
- Been out of your home town;
.yep right after the new year i went back to prison... skool.
- Thought about moving;
.yup i have to pack my stuff im moving to my new place this weekend.
In The Past Month...
- Slept in a friend's bed?
.yes Don's. bad night. long story.
- Snuck someone over?
.snuck someone over to fran's place? uh yea but he always finds out.
- Snuck out of your own house?
.my dorm is practically nonexistent. i live with fran.
- Been to a bar?
.yes cuz im LEGAL.
- Been called a whore?
.no but felt like one. felt like someone called me one... practically.
- Drove somewhere
.yea at the beginning of the year. i yearn to be behind the wheel.
- Done something you regret
.oh yes. a few of those. and a few things im glad never happened or else i would have regretted it forever.
- Drank alcohol
.oh yea oD'ed on R-OH
Last...
- Thing you bought
.groceries at Trader Joe's. Powerade @ CVS.
- Person you hugged
.Fran.
- Person to call you
.Mom.
- Person who sent you a message
.Cha.
- Time you took a bubble bath;
.Long time ago. but i've soaked in the tub last week.
- Time you felt stupid
.I've been feeling quite stupid lately.
- Person you yelled at
.Fran.
- Person to make you smile
.Fran.
- Person to have a serious conversation with
.A Friend Who Shall Remain Anonymous.
-Time you cried
.I don't know if I cried last week or else the last time was probably the week before.
- Song you listened to
.I have no idea to tell you the truth. Some tagalog song though.
- If someone looked on your bed what would they find?
.Fran and his Macbaby. on my dorm bed, Sheets and Papers.
-Who was the last person you rode in a car with?
.Fran & Kaye probably.
- Who were the last people to lay in a bed with you?
.Fran. Only...
- Sleep on your back or stomach?
.Sometimes on my side or on my back.
- Are you a cuddler?
.Yes but iono about lately too much is not too good for me. but i Love Cuddling.
- What do you think about before you go to bed?
.lately things i shouldn't be thinking about.
- What would someone find UNDER your bed?
.uh boxes books random junk. frans bed nothing.
- Something that happened today that made you angry?
.i woke up late so now i have lil time to pack. i am sick. i spilled some boiling water on my hand.
- What will you do after the survey?
.lay down with fran. then try to pack.
- Last really funny thing you laughed at?
.iono but it was prolly something really stupid cuz i love to laugh at completely not so funny things.
- Do you sing?
.Correction. i karaoke.
- Who will you see the most this weekend besides family?
.#1 it is the weekend. #2 i won't see my family. #3 Fran and Kaye.
- Do you talk about your feelings or hide them?
.Usually talk about my feelings. I believe in talking about my feelings. Unless they will hurt someone then I don't like to talk about it.
- Is there something you regret and wish you could take back?
.oh yes. but nothing i'd like to share here.
- First thing you do when you wake up?
.Look at the clock. Fall back asleep.
- Is there a meaning behind the song on your myspace?
.don't gots one.
- When you shut off your alarm clock, do you tend to fall back asleep?
.oh yes, i doze off til my next alarm goes off.
- What are you looking forward to in the next few months?
.going home to Cali with my mom. relaxing. finding a job?
- It's midnight, who are you texting?
.prolly one of my friends from skool about crepes.
- What was your first thought this morning?
. what time is it. it's mother's day. i wonder if my mom got my thingy i sent here yet.
- Would you rather talk on the phone or chat in IM?
.i would rather chat on aim. but i prefer in person more.
- Are you in a bad mood?
.yea cuz im sick and miserable.
- Do you actually believe in perfection?
.no, but i used to wish i was perfect.
- When was the last time you slept on the floor?
.i can't remember. prolly over break? or if not i have no idea.
I make Weird Faces [when i'm bored...] ♥ Dinks .jpg)
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More Randomness....jpg)
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Then of course Mindless Ramblings....
Blah BlaH bLaH AND
BlEh bLAh bLaH.
I'm sorry for the lack of updates lately... [i've been pretty depressed...]
Hope you ENJOY the V-log [behind the Cut].
I'm Soo Sleepy...
Post Later.
♥ Dinks
[♥ Read more...]The greatest irony of love; He keeps promising me the same things, then lying to me about it. [i promise i haven't looked at p0rn...] BULLSHIT! I HATE what he does and find it absolutely revolting and disgusting. It makes me feel bad [about myself]. This is sooo FUCKed UP! No Girl should feel like this [like they're not good enough]. I already have a lot of insecurities and issues, and he does NOT need to be adding to them. [Francis: you really need to get over all your petty insecurities one day...] how can i if you keep adding to why I am insecure!??! I hate myself. Time for me to starve, FATass! ♥ Dinks
loving the right person at the wrong time,
having the wrong person when the time is right
and finding out you love someone right after
that person walks out of your life...
and sometimes, you think you're already over a person,
but when you see them smile at you,
you'll suddenly realize that you're just pretending
to be over them just to ease the pain of knowing that
they will never be yours again...
for some, they think that letting go is one way
of expressing how much they love that person...
in my opinion, some are afraid to see the one they love
being held by someone else...
most relationships tend to fail not because
the absence of love. love is always present.
it's just that one was being loved too much and the
other was being loved too little...
as we all know that the heart is the center of the body
but it beats on the left.
maybe that's the reason
why the heart is not always right...
most often we fall in love with the person we think we love
but to only discover that for them
we are just for passing time.
while the one who truly
loves us remains either a friend or a stranger...
so here's a piece of advice;
let go when you're hurting too much.
give up when love isn't enough.
and move on when things are not like before...
For sure there is someone out there
who will love you even more...
I am so pissed off and bitter with my [contemplating whether should be EX] boyfriend right now.
I've had such a stressful day, and I know that for the next three weeks it'll probably get worse.
So what does a stressed out princess supposed to do? [pamper herself.... duh!?]
I took a Nice Hott Shower. did a French Clay Mask [by skinceuticals]. Painted my Nails [pat on the Black]. made my very First Video Blog [learn my secret behind the cut].
♥ Dinks
[♥ Read more...]
aka
♥ Sarah [my real name... or is it?]
♥ Princess [my title... durr]
♥ Dinki [my nickname, my name for everything, & the ultimate modifier]
heritage
♥ Filipino [My brother & sister call me: Atchie]
♥ Chinese -[this is my Chinese name: 洪莎若]
♥ Catholic [St. Therese of Lisieux is my confirmation Saint]
a/s/l
♥ 21 [i don't look it, nor act like it.]
♥ female [im a girly girl, but also a hobo and a bit of a tomboy too]
♥ The District [@ the President]
what i like about myself what i don't like about myself things that i love things that scare me [don't want to talk about it] daily essentials wearing right now goals for the next 12 months i can i can't hobbies what i want to do right now
♥ nerddy [which makes me quite odd...]
♥ compassionate [sometimes too emotional]
♥ thoughtful [aka thinks too much]
♥ i'm [so0per] lazy
♥ my metabolism [so chubby]
♥ obsessive [which also makes me compulsive]
♥ eating food [i love trying new things]
♥ laying down [relaxing and being lazy]
♥ the warmth of the sun [but i dont want to get dark]
♥ losing those i love
♥ failing in life
♥ eternal damnation
♥ internet [especially now with my blog...]
♥ love [from Fran... like giggles, kisses, hugs, etc.]
♥ sleep [a total must!!!]
♥ hello kitty shirt [pink... duh]
♥ heart necklace [2 year anniversary gift from Fran]
♥ black flipflops [my ultimate favorite]
♥ lose weight [like lots....]
♥ get good grades [develop better study habits before med school!!!]
♥ keep up this blog [don't let me get lazy now...]
♥ cook [every once in a while i like to experiment]
♥ be so0per sneaky [like a ninja]
♥ get ticklish without being touched [& also control my ticklishness]
♥ sit down and study without interuption [i have mild ADD]
♥ not care when something's wrong [i go crazy]
♥ let go of the past [i'm too scared]
♥ playing piano & singing [by singing i mean karaoking . . . by myself]
♥ reading [i love teen fiction, scary books, fiction romance & asian literature]
♥ journaling & blogging [excessive doodling/scrapbooking]
♥ make crispy pan fried noodles or eat something sweet [im sucha fatty]
♥ play more on my blog [i should really cut back!]
♥ go to sleep [what i'll probably do...]
Great Post by TheDeliciousLife. [So True. So True]
You know what girls do after a fight?
She speeds along the freeway replaying the entire evening in her head, each time adding a supporting detail that she had left out in the previous rev. With each exit ramp she passes, indignation grows until she makes a quick stop at the market to prepare for a short anger management session with Ben and Jerry when she gets home. The emotional journey travels over a long commute from pride to anger to realization to hurt.
She throws her bags onto the floor. They will be left unpacked for what will be days because there is nothing in them that she needs right away, for they are all smaller “his place” versions of regular-size things she had at “her place.” She yanks her laptop out of its bag, flings her emotionally weary body into her desk chair and waits impatiently for the machine to start so she can find someone - anyone - online. She switches between buddies, clicks between windows, tabs between applications, to tell the story, lay out the facts, take polls, discard the unsupportive responses, email her girlfriends because it is beyond polite to call them at that hour. All the while an email grows longer and more detailed – an email that will forever remain in the "Drafts" folder of her gmail for future emotional reference. By the time she falls asleep face down in her diary, it's almost 3 am.
Four hours later, she bursts out of a nightmare with contact lenses still in, but unable to see. At many points during the night she has cried, transforming tears into an ocular adhesive. It's “the morning after.” She checks her email. Nothing. She checks her phone. Nothing. She calls her phone from her PDA to make sure it's working. Goddamit, it works.
She calls her sister because it’s okay to call at 9 am but not 9 pm the night before. “Come over for breakfast,” her sister demands supportively. Still in her pajamas that are now doubling as "loungewear," she tears across town to her sister’s house. She recounts the events over breakfast, recounts the events quietly during the baby’s nap, recounts the events intermittently during The View. Her sister suggests they go out for lunch to get fresh air. And a fresh perspective.
They tuck themselves into the back of a cafe for lunch.
17th Street Cafe is not special enough to deserve a drive, but right in the midst of Montana Avenue, the restaurant is convenient on a Friday afternoon for those who are already in the area – neighborhood moms pushing Bugaboos after late-morning yoga, fourth wives shopping with their third husbands’ money, and girls after a fight undergoing retail therapy. With exposed ceiling beams, light wood furnishings, bright lighting from both windows and overhead, and artwork on the walls, the airy, open dining room feels a bit like a casual gallery. Bare-naked glossy wood tables that get white tablecloths at dinnertime only have small green cuttings and condiment bottles. The vibe is energetic at lunchtime, almost to the point of being too loud, unless the light din is necessary to keep individual conversation private.
There's a smaller adjoining room with skylights overhead that can be made private from the main dining area, perfect for a cheerful, intimate...baby shower. "Oh yeah, " she recalls, "a baby shower, something I'll never have because I'm never having babies because I'm not getting married because it's over because...because...because men are worthless!" She sighs. "Men are worthless," she has to keep reminding herself.
The menu is substantial, but thankfully, uncomplicated. She wouldn't be able to focus on detailed descriptions of ingredients and preparations. Her eyes move over the page of offerings that are standard for a cafe - pizzas, pastas, sandwiches, and salads - all California fresh with an occasional influence that anywhere else would be considered "ethnic," but in LA, is Wolfgang Puck. She can't decide. It isn't that the items don't inspire her; it's that nothing registers on a mind that is blazing backwards and forwards at 180 mph. She has no appetite, and yet she wants nothing more than to dive head first into a bowl of Dulce de Leche Ice Cream armed with a Flamin' Hot Cheeto as a utensil. 17th Street Cafe doesn't have that on the menu.
At any other time, 17th Street Cafe's service would have been maddeningly unreliable. Servers were few and far between, impatient when present, all too patient when absent, and the kitchen must have been short-staffed. Lunch for two of salad and pasta could have been 45 minutes, but it was more than double that amount of time. She used up every minute of it to approach the issue from every angle. Again.
She wonders, hurts, worries, fears, regrets, feels jealousyangerdisappointmentpride all at once while pondering a different pair of shoes for every emotion. Kelly green Pumas - jealousy. Red strappy sandals that tie around the ankles - anger. Baby blue Kate Spade ballet flats - disappointment. Black patent leather stilettos - pride. (My God, is this just too easy or what?) After shopping - but not buying because why would she need to buy anything because she's never going out - she goes back to her sister's. She talks it out, her sister talks it out, they talk it out. When she finally goes home long past everyone's bedtime, she falls asleep feeling everything all over again.
The day after the fight, she thinks it out, plays it out, replays it out, writes it out, emails it out, IMs it out, walks it out, shops it out, talks it out. She talks it out, talks it out, talks it out. She does that. She does all of that. That's what girls do.
You know what boys do after a fight?
They play video games.
I love "Young Adult" fiction. In high school I was one of those girls who would spend hours at the one section at barnes and nobles reading all those summer beach teen books, like Gossip Girl and such. I was sooo excited when the show came out. My favorite Serena is also in the Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants, and my baby just sent me the link to the trailer of the sequel [::squeals::] The movie isn't coming out until August 8, who wants to see it with me??? I MUST read the sequel before then! But they dont have it at our school library or consortium. Useless! [what good is a library if they don't have the books i want to read!?!?] I wish Barnes & Noble was closer, then I would go and study there lots, and probably read too! If I had the time, I would still be reading all my teeny-bopper chick reads, but alas I have none. Boo Hoo. I am about 3-4 books behind on Gossip Girl. But the show is coming back on April 14 with new episodes. [yipee!] I really shouldn't be watching teevee. I stopped watching American Idol since my favorite Ramiele Malubay got kicked off. [she wasn't that great but instead was soooo cute] but oh well it's probably for the better. Cuz pretty soon it will be crunch time.
♥ Dinks
[♥ Read more...]
in addition to this lovely blog... this is what is taking over my life. [learn more about the drama soon...] please come and support ♥ Dinks
So i used to wear "smart" glasses in high school because I liked the way I looked in them because I thought that people took me more seriously... [because I am a ditsy girl. those who know me can attest to that] In college my vision became bad probably due to me spending lots of time in the dark in front of a computer, which lead to me squinting in bio class to read the huge projector screen... and then finally glasses.
I still feel like a nerd when I wear my glasses, but unfortunately it doesn't make me any smarter...
but don't worry that's what a smart card is for... [will post picture of smart card soon!]
♥ Dinks
Hmm so I am a nerdd. Very Easily Amused. Strange. So I don't know whether this'll scare you away or attack any weird freaks out there, but I thought I'd share something i borrowed [::cough::stole::cough::] from my boyfriend's new Mac baby [my nickname for his laptop]. I'll have to save my story on the whole family tree of electronics for later since I am pressed for time before class.
What we like to do when we're REALLY bored...
[basically i force him to do it... teehee]
♥ Dinks
[♥ Read more...]So OMGah. My heart has been racing all the time and I can always feel my chest pounding. At night I find myself laying down thinking about what I should write to you. I walk around everywhere with a notepad to jote down any thoughts of inspiration. But every freaking time i sit down and begin to write this nothing comes out. Or there are just too many things I want to write about. My mind explodes and it always seems like I am behind. I want to go back in time and just pause time everytime I want to write so that I do neither lose the moment nor use any of my time.
There was a time when I use to have penpals. There was a time when my ear was glued to the phone with people other than my boyfriend. There was I used to write letters. There was time when I used to cut paste doodle my heart out with my crayola markers. [that is so something i should seriously consider because i have a so0per marker tower from one of my dinkis.] There was time when I used to collect tons of magazine pictures in hopes of making a collage. These are all things that I used to have time to do admist my daily busy hustle of school work love pcs and my lazyness and working out (the irony huh). I still spend most my time here in front of lil miss delia [my beloved laptop], but nothing comes out of it. there is nothing to show or prove my endless hours of browsing the internet, researching various topics that only i find interesting enough to catch my short attention span for the time being until I go off onto what I ought to be doing or I drift onto another topic. Or worse yet of all [but perhaps it's for the better] when my internet explorer freezes or messes up where i cannot open any more tabs and i lose all my windows and am too lazy to go through my history to continue reading whatever it was for the moment.
So just to sum it up:
e v e r y t i m e i a m a b o u t t o w r i t e i f i n d m y s e l f
a t a l o s s o f w o r d s . . .
[it is like when you are about to tell the boy you like how you feel. you heart is just pounding and you are embarassed to do what you must yet you are excited at the same time. all your emotions are just taking complete control over your body, and you open your mouth and cannot say a word.]
that is how i feel. but perhaps not as melodramatic as that though. i have been like going crazy trying to start this blog when i should be studying cuz i have so much work but instead i am wasting my time on this and every time i try to put this off i waste my time trying to get myself to stop. so i figured i should just let myself go for it. there must be a reason why i need to write again. why i need to get this all out before i go crazy. i can feel myself at the edge ready to snap often, and every so often when i lay down the tears start to roll gently my cheeks [my chubby cheeks]. And I don't know why but I am overwhelmed by sadness. Perhaps this is the sadness that I try not to let myself feel, but where does it come from. Why I am so sad? Is there a cause? I do not see any serious barriers in my life that would cause such strife, well at least not any more than a typical pre-med college student would have. [weird that i classify myself as such, perhaps to give you more of an idea of what you're dealing with]
the truth be told, [although i am scared of what it may imply] i still think a big part of my sadness is due to hereditary factors. the fact that my dad's family [uh my parents are divorced and separated duh] is so cryptic about their past and their outright refusal to tell my mom whether or not they have a history seems to be an almost certain dead giveaway right? But I guess whether or not they want to admit it, I still have to deal with it, and writing always seemed to be the perfect outlet. on this blog i hope to explore and utilize different types of multimedia. [meaning please bear with me while i experiment] so an apology in advance: sorry if some of my posts are so0per lame. i'm not a pro status blogger [yet]. ps i like saying the word super like that... you'll hear me soon [as soon as i figure how to work the dang thing].
well i guess that's al for now so i can start working on my next post before lame-o ORGO, which I am dreading [for reasons you'll learn about soon!!!] So Stay Tuned & See ya Soon.
♥ Dinks
[♥ Read more...]
